


lemongrass and sleep

by behot



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Jedi Code (Star Wars), breaking the Jedi code to hold hands, just pure fluff, really blazing the trail with barriss offee/reader huh, this can read as gender neutral reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:06:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25216717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/behot/pseuds/behot
Summary: Barriss knew the rules on attachment.Attachment was comparable to hot coals, or to a spark in a gas tank. Something that would only ignite and raise an uncontrollable flame. It would only burn the Jedi, and all too easily would possessiveness turn the fire from love to anger. Attachment was possessiveness, selfishness, passion, chaos. Everything a Jedi stood against.But Barriss couldn’t stop those flames from rising in her chest whenever she saw you.
Relationships: Barriss Offee/Reader, Barriss Offee/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	lemongrass and sleep

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in my AU where she doesn't commit crimes against the state, because she loves you. What a cutie

Barriss knew the rules on attachment. 

She knew exactly how it was forbidden, and why; could explain step by step how it would lead to the Dark side. A like would turn to love, love would turn to fear of loss, and well, everyone knew what fear would lead to. She could remember writing essays on the subject when she was barely an initiate, just out of the creche, asked to explain what attachment was and what it was capable of.

Attachment was comparable to hot coals, or to a spark in a gas tank. Something that would only ignite and raise an uncontrollable flame. It would only burn the Jedi, and all too easily would possessiveness turn the fire from love to anger. Attachment was possessiveness, selfishness, passion, chaos. Everything a Jedi stood against. 

But Barriss couldn’t stop those flames from rising in her chest whenever she saw you. 

She couldn’t say when she first began feeling that funny feeling, or when she even began to recognize it for what it was. Accelerated heart rate when you sat next to her during mealtime, a twinge in her chest when you turned to flash her a smile, a burning in her cheeks when you hand her a napkin and your fingers touch.

“Here, you have some blue milk on your lip.”

It was a slippery slope, one she couldn’t seem to stop from sliding down. 

You knew the rules on attachment. 

You knew that attachment was selfish, putting your feelings above others. That it was the sort of selfishness that would lead to the dark side so easily. As a Jedi, it was strictly forbidden. You were taught once you were out of the creche why attachment was something to be scorned, abandoned. You had to write endless essays on the cons of attachment, detailing exactly how it led to the Dark side. It was destructive, something that would seem like a gentle embrace until it tightened it’s hold and you were a slave to it’s grip. 

But you couldn’t stop whatever squeezed your heart whenever you saw Barriss. 

It was hard to focus when she was around. She drew your attention whenever she entered the room. You hadn’t quite realized it until she had walked into the training salles while you were dueling your master, distracting you enough to suffer quite the burn on your shoulder. Or at least, you realized after she had finished patching you up, and your brain caught back up with your body. 

Your master had just laughed at the shade of red your face had turned. You couldn’t stop blinking at the spot she had just been in, couldn’t ignore the burning on your arm where her gentle fingers had brushed your skin.

“You should be more careful, your health is important.”

This attachment was a bottomless pit, and you were falling hard.

Ever since you two had met in the creche, two toddlers that curled up with each other at night, you were thick as thieves. You sat together in all of your classes, paired with each other for every training session, and spent all your free hours together exploring the gardens or reading in the library. Soon you were in the same clan together, two initiates rising up through the new challenges the title presented you with. Everything was exciting and peaceful, each day an adventure with Barris by your side. Then you were chosen as Padawans, and war shattered the fragile peace of temple life.

Soon, training in the temple was replaced with training on battlegrounds. Practice droids were replaced with war droids, what was once just death in a simulation was suddenly very, very real, and the things they said about attachment began to make sense. Just being unable to see each other often was hard enough, but fighting on the front lines held a very real danger. 

Attachment was just like everything they said it could have been when your life was constantly on the line. It’s tight grip was burning hot, a constant worry for the other at the back of your minds. Missing each other so much it felt like your heart was being crushed. Every day that stretched between your fuzzy holocalls held a terrifying silence and a terrible thought that it might last forever. 

So when Master Luminara and Barriss stepped out of an LAAT transport that landed in your camp, you didn’t immediately run and pull her into a hug, but it was a very close thing. 

“Master Luminara. Barriss.” You bowed in greeting, and shot a grin to Barriss. Your heart skipped a beat when she smiled a small smile back.

Her master didn’t seem to notice this interaction; or if she did, she didn’t say anything. 

“Hello, young Padawan.” She bowed in return. “Could you point me to the direction of your master? I’m afraid I have some urgent news.”

You point her in the direction of where your temporary command center was set up, at the base of a small hill. “She was in command, meeting with the Council when I left.” Master Luminara nodded in thanks, before walking briskly towards the command center. 

Barriss waited until her master had passed by to move up to you. 

“Huh. Must be something important,” you commented, turning to watch Master Luminara rush to talk to your master. Though you couldn’t see it, Barriss nodded.

“I wasn’t able to hear the comms, but she seemed pretty grim after receiving them,” Barriss explained. You just shrug and turn back to face her.

“We’ll know soon enough, I’m sure.” Barriss nodded again at that, and you smiled back. “So, should we go see if there’s anything to help with setting up? I’m sure the troops would appreciate it. Or they’ll at least have a game of Sabacc going while we’re waiting for orders.”

“Sure, lead the way.” You walked side by side on the way to where a group of your troopers were gathered around a stack of boxes, not-so-accidentally brushing your knuckles against hers when you could. If she had to duck her head to hide her blush, well, that was her business. 

“Now, just a friendly warning; watch out for Gamble and Cheat. They’re called Gamble and Cheat for a reason.”

And if you had to turn your head to hide your smile at Barriss’s giggle, well, that was your business. 

That evening, once everyone had settled down to sleep or taken up their guard posts, you and Barriss slipped past the guard to sit on the top of the nearby hill. On the other side was a large meadow, wildflowers adding splashes of color to the deep green of the grass, stretching as far as the eye could see. It was endless plains until the distant mountains that broke the horizon, and above that was an even larger expanse of stars. 

“This is my favorite place to come and meditate,” you explained to Barriss, sitting down in the grass and pulling your knees to your chest. She took a moment to look up at the stars, before sitting next to you. 

“I can see why. The view is just so beautiful, so peaceful.” She picked a blade of grass and spun it between her fingers, and you nudged her with your shoulder. She looked up and smiled, and you took a moment to admire how her eyes reflected the starlight.

The moment lasted for maybe a moment too long, but it didn’t matter. There were no expectations in the evening, nothing but the gentle breeze moving the grass and flowers, no one watching you but the stars in the sky. She kept watching you even after you turned away to look at the horizon.

“Isn’t it just breathtaking?”

Barriss felt the fire burning in her chest again, looking at you. Your soft smile, the wind tugging at the ends of your hair. The awe and wonder in your eyes, the gentleness of your expression. And she knew the rules of attachment, knew they warned of the fire that would destroy, but the flames inside her didn’t burn this time. It felt warm and soft, more like creation than destruction. Like the wind in the flowers, or the stars in the sky, filling up her heart with an indescribable feeling. 

Thinking like that felt right, like the force was singing.

“Yeah. Breathtaking.” She replied. 

You turned to look at her again, and she quickly leaned in and pressed a kiss to your lips. It was a soft, light pressure that was gone in a flash, and it took a moment for your brain to catch up again. You could feel your face burning up, feel your heart racing and your chest filling with such a bright, joyous feeling. She had kissed you, force, she kissed you! 

“I-I’m sorry, I just-” Barriss started stuttering, and you’re quick to cut her off by leaning in and kissing her again. Just as soft and electric as the last one, and you reached out for her hand and clasped your fingers together. 

Being separated in the middle of a war was miserable, but just having this moment made everything worth it. A single moment was worth fighting a thousand battles for.

If the attachment you felt could be both miserable and joyous, maybe there could be a balance. Being a Jedi was all about balance, wasn’t it? Balancing, the force, balancing yourself. It’d be difficult, hiding from the Jedi and keeping each other in check in the light, but it’d be worth it.

Barriss rose a hand to your face, brushed a thumb across your cheek, and you smiled into the kiss.

Whatever this attachment would bring, you’d face it together.

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on my tumblr @behot, feel free to check me out! <3


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